It took me some years and a lot of work, but I know that I am not my body; I am in my body. Yet, sometimes old ghosts like to take a walk through my mind and thoughts, and I wonder if I talk too much, if I should go back to my natural color, if I should use makeup more often, if I dress too casually, if my pussy is too hairy, if I should buy heels even though they make my feet hurt, if I overshare, if I have to loose some weight, if I am too anxious, if I am too old, if I should laugh less and less loudly, if I must, if I should, if I have to…
And ghosts have a habit of coming and going as they please, of whispering in your ear without you noticing and making you feel afraid, of letting cold run down your spine so you want to crawl and hide. Doubts begin to grow and more questions chase my thoughts. It’s a battle again, and besides knowing I’m going to win, it’s just fucking tiring having to fight it over and over again.